Right now I am sitting in another plane – to Indonesia. I left Sydney after a little bit more than one month. I fell in love with this big city and I felt more home within myself than I ever felt before. Home is not a place, it’s a feeling. I planned to stay in Sydney until the end of November, but my endless curiosity for life made me book a flight to Indonesia a few days ago. On my travel journey, I am unlearning all the self sabotaging beliefs in my life and choose to build my own heaven on earth filled with love. Sydney was beautiful and Sydney was horrifying – both even at the same time. My main purpose of traveling to Indonesia, just as much of a purpose as exploring the island and myself – is starting to create. To really, fully dive into the progress of making beautiful art. It’s what I want to do right now. During the past two weeks, sharing my travel journey every single day didn’t seem to be that exciting and inspiring to read anymore. Most days I worked, organized things, had a lot of messy thoughts in my head, and – to be honest – did a lot of self sabotaging shit. I kept practicing daily gratitude in my own personal diary, but on this blog, I want to focus on creating inspiring content from all the ideas within myself, as well as of course sharing all the extra special Bali experiences that are coming. I will probably start sharing my daily gratitude again as soon as I will wake uo in Bali and spend my days exploring the island the best I can with my injured leg. Time to keep making my blog a place of creative art to inspire and love, and not making too much of of a personal diary out of it.
I feel the most fulfilled when I can express myself – in every possible way. I love writing, I love painting, I love moving my body and running around in nature, I love long and mindful walks. I love doing yoga to connect my mind and my body, but I also love Yoga because I want to improve myself and I am just so curious about all the cool things you can do with your body. Why do I even write that? Probably because writing down what gives me joy gives me some kind of definition, some kind of identity in the moments I feel disconnected from my true self and lost on planet earth – I remember love. All in one, I am incredible grateful for my month in Sydney. For all the beautiful blessings I enjoyed and all the horrible days that taught me that I need to love myself and my life unconditional. During my last days in Sydney, I felt completely confused, so confused with my life that I am even scared of creating. It’s tricky, I start to wait until I feel just ‚right‘ to start creating instead of just doing it. Then I reminded myself that life is never just ‚right‘. I finally stopped thinking, thinking and thinking and started writing all these words. That’s why I am. To experience life, to experience planet earth, to experience myself – and to use all my unique impressions and inspirations to create.
Thank you Sydney. Thank you for teaching me so much mindfulness. Thank you for letting me walk through your streets while being completely present. Thank you for all the long runs along your empty streets before I hurt my foot. Thank you for all the hiking along the coast. Thank you for opening my heart and teaching me that I can let go of my past. Thank you for letting me experience unconditional love for others and for myself. Thank you for letting me find a home within myself, even when I can’t find it every day yet, I will always remember these days where I did. Thank you for the windy walks over the harbor bridge. Thank you for letting me know how worthy of love I am. Thank you for meeting people that make me laugh so much that I have to cry because my body can’t handle all the joy. Thank you for being such a great place to live. Thank you for all the life stories I shared with people. Thank you for making me love huge cities and make me so curious that I will explore Singapur in one month. Thank you for teaching me to be more gentle with myself. Thank you for showing me that almost eighty-nine percent of the stuff humans worry about never happens – I am still leaning to soak up all the Australian ‚no worries’ vibes into my mind. Thank you for teaching me to let go of already so much. Thank you for teaching me to not be ashamed for myself anymore. Thank you for all the wonderful ideas you gave me, such as doing a yoga teacher training in India, working on a strawberry farm in Perth, studying psychology in Melbourne or going one month to Bali right now in order to keep following my true self and heal myself. Thank you for all the endless conversations I had with all the people living in your streets. Thank you for teaching me the choice of positivity. Thank you for reminding me of my passions and still taught me to stop from identifying with them both at the same time. Thank you for all the songs we sang in the white van. Thank you for all the inspiring people you made me met. Thank you for showing me your beautiful lights at night. Thank you for making me improve my English without me even realizing it. Thank you for opening me up and for teaching me that I am actually more worthy of love than I think. Thank you for all the different working experiences I will probably remember forever and tell other human beings about in thirty years. Thank you for showing me how much I thrive in company. Thank you for the incredible experience of seeing my first whale. Thank you for letting me explore so many beautiful city spots. Thank you for the best vegan ice cream I ever ate. Thank you for the best vegan Burger I ever ate. Thank you for all the hugs and smiles. Thank you for all the incredible yoga classes at the most wonderful yoga studio. Thank you for showing me so much art hidden in your streets. Thank you for letting me learn to just be whole with myself while being. Thank you for all the Starbucks coffees, Thank you. Thank you for making me decide that nothing will stop me from following love and passion. Thank you for giving me the courage to leave right now to explore other parts of planet earth.
Sydney you were beautiful, but as I said, you were so painful at the same time. Thank you for all your teachings. Thank you for forcing me to let go of every definition and identity, Thank you for showing me that I really know nothing at all and that I actually am completely confused. Thank you for reflecting all my disordered habits. Since I hurt my foot and I am not able anymore to express myself through movement – such an important part of my life – I started to binge on endless amounts of food – simply for pleasure, boredom or a rush of endorphins I would usually get from my daily movement. I put on a few kilos in only two weeks and I would lie if I said that it doesn’t drive my thoughts even crazier than they usually are. But that weight gain and that inability to move teaches me now that I need to practice unconditional mindfulness even when it’s really hard. It’s a completely new challenge for me and I now that my body will heal and that I will lose the weight when I heal that part of my mind – and until then I will give myself unconditional love. Thank you for teaching me that I need to find other things that make me happy instead of eating after I hurt my leg and I can barely move since two weeks. Thank you for teaching me that overeating is never a cure to deal with anxiety and stress. Thank you for reminding me that I want to learn to be more patient. Thank you for teaching me that eating for pleasure, boredom and emotions will only make it worse and disconnect me from myself. Thank you for teaching me that I need to love myself no matter what my body looks like after binge eating in very low places of self hate. Thank you for teaching me how much I truly want and need to heal myself.
Nevertheless, I won’t let any of that – no disordered eating habits, no doubts, no mental mess – stop me from creating and expressing myself in all the different ways – stop waiting, start creating – that’s what this big city called Sydney taught me. I can do everything when I give myself the love to do it – giving myself that love can me hard at times, but thats life, it can be difficult and I am learning to love that. While writing this my eyes are filled up with tears. Thank you Sydney for teaching me to love myself a little more. Thank you Sydney for providing me with the trust I need to book a flight to Bali right away in order to start another journey of pure creation, self love and healing. I love you Sydney, I already miss all your different streets like crazy. How beautiful it is to think about the wonderful truth that now matter at what place I am on planet earth or even mentally, Sydney will always be there. I love you Sydney – I will definitely come back.