The last post that I published was all about the beautiful reasons why I spent my past months exploring planet earth. I could hardly imagine returning back to my hometown. I thought that the cold weather would probably make me sad and my ego didn’t want to stop traveling when I actually planned to do it for at least one year. When I started traveling, I was so amazed by all the things life taught me by simply living each day. I dreamt about traveling for years and then studying in Australia as well. Days later, I found myself lost within my being in a plane from Bali to Singapore not even two weeks ago. It was the first time that these thoughts entered my mind. I felt so tired of constantly moving and seeing new places. It all was getting too much and I wasn’t really able to appreciate the beauty I saw as much as I wished to. When I woke up in Singapore the next day, the thoughts of doubt had left my mind for the moment. I was grateful and excited to wake up in that new country. I enjoyed my time there simply exploring the breathtaking streets. I convinced myself that it would be the best decision to just keep traveling until I would adapt to the special situation of constantly being on the go. I thought that I could be that kind of person that could travel around and constantly find a home within with such an ease that it’s like the most normal thing in the world.
After exploring Singapore for some days, I was unsure about my next travel destination. I decided to return to the place I fell in love with at the beginning of my travels – Sydney. I woke up in exact the same hostel, in exactly the same bed and even some roommates were still the same I left months before. I enjoyed coming back and received an important message I needed to remember by doing so. When I travel, I feel like all my energy flows into observing that unknown place. Into finding myself in places I never experienced before. I spend all my time getting lost in unknown streets, visiting the special places and sitting in the local cafés and restaurants enjoying their food and coffee while eventually writing down the thoughts that enter my mind. I feel like there is no energy left to do other things with myself. I am completely focused on traveling and being in that unknown country instead of taking the time for my little creative projects, working on new yoga poses, planting flowers, waterskiing, cooking, making DIYs, swimming, painting, growing my mind while reading books, trying out new sports, long self-care routines, cuddling pets, drinking hot chocolate, baking vegan cake, having fun with my sister, spreading kindness around, bicycling, swimming or all of the endless other things you can do – even when you always stay in the same place on planet earth. Please don’t get me wrong, of course you can take the time to do all of these beautiful things while traveling as well. For me, it simply feels to much right now. For me, it feels like there is no headspace left to dive fully into all the other things that I also love so much anymore.
Before I made the final decision to return to Hamburg, I took a train to Byron Bay. I had the idea of working there for two months before doing that yoga teacher training in India. When I came to Byron Bay, I instantly knew that it was time to leave right away. Byron Bay is a beautiful place, the people are extremely kind and welcoming, the nature is beautiful and the vibes are amazing. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to explore anything anymore, I was just so tired of it. You can feel shitty even when you find yourself in paradise, it’s all about your own magic. I felt lost, I felt so disconnected from myself and not like any kind of home at all anymore. I missed the comfort of the place where I grew up so much. The safe feeling of being in the city that I know so well and the familiar and warm feeling that overcomes me when I spend time with my little sister. Hamburg gives me safety when I don’t feel like my soul is safe inside my body. During the end of my travels, I felt like I couldn’t do anything else than replacing that missing safety and comfort with food. I don’t think that many people are like that, as long as you can be your own home unconditionally, you can thrive in any place on planet earth and do what you love – just like I did when I started my journey in Sydney. I am not at that point yet where I feel like I am home at every place in the world. Maybe I will never reach that point, but I am completely fine with that as long as I know that Hamburg and my beloved sister can always help when it comes to finding home once again. I actually don’t need much to be happy. All I need is to remember that everything is already within me and that it is all up to myself. Before I made that final decision, I told my roommates about my feelings and even though they reminded me that I could slow down the speed of my travelings at any time and stay at one place for a few months, I knew that the warm feeling of being home would still be missing since it was also missing within myself at that point.
I booked a last minute flight back to my hometown for the next day. I felt confused and doubted my decisions, but I also thought about the wonderful truth that all the beautiful places that I saw will always be, even if I am not there right now. I reminded myself of the fact that I can always return to these places when I feel like it’s the right place to go again. Luckily, when I finally saw the colorful autumn leaves after the plane broke through the clouds in Hamburg, my heart filled up itself with a warm feeling of joy. I had a beautiful first afternoon in Hamburg and an even more wonderful start into the first whole day today. Three months ago, I was so bored of always seeing the same things everyday. Now, everything changed. I appreciate walking the same way along all the trees so much more than I ever did in all the years before. I feel like traveling made me grow so much and my mind transformed all over again. Even though everything feels so home to me, everything feels so different than it felt three months ago at the same time. I feel like a free soul on planet earth, I have the deep trust to follow my heart wherever it guides me. For now, it guided me back to my hometown and it feels just so right.
Right now, I enjoy the warm and familiar feeling of being in Hamburg. Simply being here makes me feel so safe – I missed that so much more than I knew. I feel like I have that lovely space in my head to not only process all my travels, but also to do spend the time I would usually spend observing the experience of being in a new country doing other things that I love. I am already so excited to create something beautiful out of all the experiences and inspirations I soaked up past months. I will spend my time practicing love, happiness and peace while getting creative and exploring all the beautiful things you can do simply with yourself, as well as enjoying the simple things in life that I always loved to do anyways – you know – these things like running, writing, walking through nature, reading books, drinking coffee in my favorite cafés or dancing around. It is about remembering to become more creative with what all that you have – with your mind, your body and your soul – instead of seeking outside for fulfillment by the excitement of unknown places. Past months made me remember so many beautiful truths, made me more me than I ever was before and with that – made me also trust my intuition more than ever. I am so excited about all the places where the precious heart of mine will guide me in future when it’s time. Despite following my heart and all my passions in Hamburg now, I will also start working in a theatre tomorrow. My job is to work as waitress six times a week until the end of the year. At that point, I will hopefully have made some positive working experiences as well as having saved up enough money to dive into a new journey of exploring planet earth. I am almost a hundred percent sure that I will take a flight to India to do the yoga teacher training that I am dreaming about for such a long time now. The beautiful thing about that month in India is the fact that it will unite the exciting explorations of the culture together with diving into new depths within.